Happy Fun Ball Wins Crystal City Opener Despite Detached Cornea, Severe Amnesia, and a 17 Broken Spokes

Happy Fun Ball made the Juggernaut proud by crushing the field at the Crystal City 2017 opener despite a pre-race list of ailments including Anxiety, Restlessness, Fever, Hives, Numerous Rashes, Trouble Breathing, Urinary Tract Infection, Dizziness, Drowsiness, Dry Mouth, Excessive Sweating, Accelerated Heartbeat, Anger Toward Something, Head Pain, Heart Throbbing, Involuntary Quivering, Altered Mental Status, Continued Painful Erection, Giant Hives, Hallucination, Hepatitis, Life Threatening Allergic Reaction, Mood Changes, Seizures, Toxic Epidermal Necrolysis, Tourette’s Syndrome, Compulsive Skin Picking, Double Vision, Grinding of the Teeth, Hypertalkative Tendencies, Occasional Facial Numbness, Prickling, or Tingling of Spleen.

Nothing new there really. He prepped for the race by eating a carton of gummy worms, four pounds of beef jerky, and an entire pack of Swisher Sweets cigars